10 Tolerations we can get rid of using our emotional intelligence
Articles by Susan Dunn, M.A
Here are 10 top tolerations we all tend to have that we can get rid of by using our emotional intelligence.
Most of us start out the day with Intentionality, i.e., we're full of things we want to accomplish. And chances are we immediately start chasing rabbits, i.e., we start responding to the requests and demands of others that pull us off track, and subtly the pressure begins to build. Sticking with our Intentionality is the key.
2. Hating to say "no" or being unable to say "no."
Granted there are times when we wish there were more of us to go around, but there isn't. Most of us like to say "yes," but we need to learn to say "no." And we need to learn to say it without apologies and explanations. When we apologize, we're giving ourselves mixed messages.
3. Being inflexible about our needs.
Learn to operate from "preferences," rather than "needs," i.e., be flexible. There's really very little you can't get along without, if you think about it. You might prefer if it were sunny and you were sitting on a beach in the Bahamas, but it isn't, and you're not, and you're doing just fine. There are all sorts of emotional conditions you think you "need" that fit in the same category.
4. Having a dysfunctional social network.
Negative and demanding people sap our energy. If you have an excessive need to be needed in order to feel good about yourself, and therefore tolerate people who are sucking you dry, change this. Stop meeting their needs and unreasonable demands, and stop letting them into your life. Building a strong and supportive social network is an emotional intelligence competency.
5. Running on empty.
Emotional intelligence means living your life in such a way that you have reserves. It means taking care of yourself first. These can be reserves of energy, love, money, or time, or any other sort of resource. Put your own oxygen mask on first.
6. Being fragmented.
Not operating from an Integrated Self results in lying to ourselves and others--staying in a marriage that doesn't work, or staying in a job we hate, or tolerating people around us we don't like. It means exaggerating our skills and attributes to others and presenting a false life from a false sense of self. Worst of all, it keeps us from knowing ourselves, and
self-awareness is the keystone of emotional intelligence.
7. Agonizing over decisions and thinking too much.
Most important decisions need to be based on our feelings. Learning to use your Intuition is a much more effective way to make decisions than to get stuck in "analysis paralysis."
Being judgmental is a tremendous waste of energy. It will pull you off task, alienate people, and damage you as well, because when we judge others, we put judgment into the equation, and must therefore judge ourselves. Forgive others, and be relentlessly and adamantly self-forgiving.
9. Devastating ourselves with anger.
Emotions are our guides and we need to let them flow through us, experiencing them but not getting stuck. When we're angry--don't express, don't suppress, process and confess! Expressing anger only makes it worse and is very damaging to your emotional and physical health. You can continue to be angry and do battle, but remember--to the victor goes the heart bypass!
10. Giving up, feeling defeated.
Building our resilience muscles helps us bounce back from setbacks, failures and losses. It helps us bounce back faster and higher. Having an optimistic attitude is the facilitator of all the other emotional intelligence competencies.
About the Author
Susan Dunn, M.A., is a personal life coach who likes to help her clients succeed by increasing their emotional intelligence, understanding their strengths better, and doing the inner work.
Keywords: emotional intelligence, Tolerations, Intentionality, Susan Dunn, M.A , Intuition, Intuitive, Articles, UK, South Africa, Cape Town,