Reconciliation of Inner Conflicts - Part 2
Articles By Robert Elias Najemy
We suggest that you read part 1 of this series.
1. We first need to get to know these various parts of ourselves by keeping a daily diary in which we refer to them by names that represent their particular qualities needs or emotions.
2. We can keep a separate page for each persona in which we list its particular needs, desires, fears, emotions, reactions and beliefs.
3. We then need to discover for each persona the core belief that creates, sustains and drives it.
4. We must accept each persona as a natural development in our evolution process. Regardless of whether there is use for its continued existence, at some point, it served some purpose in our search for security, self-worth, freedom and equilibrium.
We can perceive each persona as one of our children, whom we accept and love regardless of its immaturity. Our purpose is to now educate that persona and help it to manifest its higher potential.
5. We can then allow each persona to express itself in its own unique way through dance, writing, drawing, work, etc.
6. We then move on to let them communicate between themselves.
a. By writing a dialogue like a one act play in which they communicate back and forth expressing: complaints, needs, feelings, beliefs, as well as questions which they have for each other.
In this conversation questions are asked and then answered by the other party, or perhaps arguments or accusations made on the one part to be rebutted by the other. Attempts are made by each part to get what it needs from the other.
The ultimate purpose is to create an atmosphere of communication, understanding and cooperation between these two personas with conflicting needs.
b. The same process can then be done verbally as described below.
ANALYZING OUR CONFLICTING PERSONAS
Now separately, for each conflicting part of yourself, answer the following questions.
a. For Part "A", which I have named __________________________
1. Its has the following needs, desires and attachments
2. When its needs are not fulfilled, it has the following emotions: ________________________________________________________
3. It has the following beliefs that cause it to have those needs and emotions.
4. This part of myself would like to communicate the following to part "B".
5. Toward the part of me labeled "A" and named _______________________, I personally experience the following feelings.__________________________
b. For Part "B", which I have named _________________________
1. It has the following needs, desires and attachments __________________________________________________________
2. When its needs are not fulfilled, it has the following emotions:
3. It has the following beliefs that cause it to have those needs and emotions:
4. This part of myself would like to communicate the following to part "A": _____________________________________________________
5. Towards the part of me labeled "B" and named _____________________, I personally experience the following feelings:_________________________
Having established this information, we are now ready to allow these two personas to communicate. As mentioned earlier, this dialogue can be done as a written exercise or verbally in the presence of a facilitator.
In the case that we do it verbally, we will place two chairs, pillows or benches opposite each other. We sit on the one chair and assume one of the two roles. We imagine that the other persona is sitting in the opposite chair or on the opposite pillow.
We start the conversation by speaking on behalf of the persona ‘A’ explaining to persona ‘B’
a. How he or she feels.
b. What his or her needs and desires are.
c. What his or her beliefs are which make him or her feel that way.
This persona may also ask the other (supposedly sitting in the opposite position) questions concerning its beliefs, emotions and behaviors in an attempt to understand it more deeply. We then change positions, now sitting in the other chair and give the opposite side an opportunity to speak about itself, how it feels and what it needs as well as to ask and answer questions.
These two parts will speak back and forth as we get up and change positions whenever we change roles (it is important to change positions in order to help change mind-set and psychology). This conversation goes on like any other conversation, as each persona asks questions and we change positions and each answers questions posed by the other persona. Each persona may accuse or perhaps express feelings of tenderness and love, or plead and ask for help or even ask deeper questions which help the one part of ourselves understand the other part more deeply and clearly.
The conversation goes on until we have sat in both positions consecutively and have nothing more to say or ask from either point of view. This is important because we may feel we have nothing more to say from the one side, but when we sit on the other side and ask a question, it may open up an entirely new discussion, which could last another half an hour and involve many more changes in position.
Once we have completed this dialogue, we then take a position in the middle, to the side of the two previous sitting positions, and imagine we are our higher self, or that we are an enlightened spiritual guide. We then give advice to each persona separately, explaining what each needs to understand or do in order to live in greater harmony with the other and to proceed more effectively with less conflict along the path of spiritual growth or self-improvement.
Whether we perform this exercise verbally or in written form, I am sure each persona will find it very useful in resolving conflicts which are often serious obstacles to achieving our inner peace, establishing harmonious relationships, and moving forth in the evolutionary progress.
Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet.