Anthony de Mello Quotes (128) Spiritual Sayings
About the Author: Anthony "Tony" de Mello (4 September 1931, Bombay, British India – 2 June 1987, New York City) was a Jesuit priest and psychotherapist who became widely known for his books on spirituality. An internationally acclaimed spiritual guide, writer and public speaker, de Mello hosted many spiritual conferences. See below for the names of these programs which are available on audio CD and film. He traveled to many countries to study and later to teach, most notably Spain and the United States. See website for more info - http://www.demellospirituality.com/
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“Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling.”
Anthony de Mello, Awareness
“These things will destroy the human race: politics without principle, progress without compassion, wealth without work, learning without silence, religion without fearlessness, and worship without awareness.”
Anthony de Mello
“"I have no fear of losing u, for you aren't an object of my property, or anyone else's. I love you as you are, without attachment, without fears, without conditions, without egoism, trying not to absorb you. I love you freely because I love your freedom, as well as mine.”
Anthony de Mello
“You see persons and things not as they are but as you are. ”
Anthony de Mello
“As soon as you look at the world through an ideology you are finished. No reality fits an ideology. Life is beyond that. … That is why people are always searching for a meaning to life… Meaning is only found when you go beyond meaning. Life only makes sense when you perceive it as mystery and it makes no sense to the conceptualizing mind.”
Anthony de Mello
“People mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is actually done by the heart which first dictates the conclusion, then commands the head to provide the reasoning that will defend it.”
Anthony de Mello
“When you get rid of your fear of failure, your tensions about succeeding... you can be yourself. Relaxed. You'll no longer be driving with your brakes on.”
Anthony de Mello
“Wisdom tends to grow in proportion to one's awareness of one's ignorance.”
Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom
“When you are guilty, it is not your sins you hate but yourself.”
Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom
“If what you seek is Truth, there is one thing you must have above all else.” “I know. An overwhelming passion for it.” “No. An unremitting readiness to admit you may be wrong.”
Anthony de Mello
“The tragedy of an attachment is that if its object is not attained it causes unhappiness. But if it is attained, it does not cause happiness – it merely causes a flash of pleasure followed by weariness, and it is always accompanied, of course, by the anxiety that you may lose the object of your attachment.”
Anthony de Mello
“Don't ask the world to change....you change first.”
Anthony de Mello, Awareness
“When you come to see you are not as wise today as you thought you were yesterday, you are wiser today.”
Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom
“Any time you are with anyone or think of anyone you must say to yourself: I am dying and this person too is dying, attempting the while to experience the truth of the words you are saying. If every one of you agrees to practice this, bitterness will die out, harmony will arise.”
Anthony de Mello
“Happiness is our natural state. Happiness is the natural state of little children, to whom the kingdom belongs until they have been polluted and contaminated by the stupidity of society and culture. To acquire happiness you don't have to do anything, because happiness cannot be acquired. Does anybody know why? Because we have it already. How can you acquire what you already have? Then why don't you experience it? Because you've got to drop something. You've got to drop illusions. You don't have to add anything in order to be happy; you've got to drop something. Life is easy, life is delightful. It's only hard on your illusions, your ambitions, your greed, your cravings. Do you know where these things come from? From having identified with all kinds of labels!”
Anthony de Mello, Awareness
“People who want a cure, provided they can have it without pain, are like those who favour progress, provided they can have it without change.”
Anthony de Mello
“Every word, every image used for God is a distortion more than a description.”
Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom
“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”
Anthony de Mello
“The one who would be constant in happiness must frequently change.”
Anthony de Mello, Awareness
“Thought can organize the world so well that you are no longer able to see it.”
Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom
“You have to understand, my dears, that the shortest distance between truth and a human being is a story.”
Anthony de Mello
“I have no fear of losing you, for you aren’t an object of my property, or anyone else’s. I love you as you are, without attachment, without fears, without conditions, without egoism, trying not to absorb you. I love you freely because I love your freedom, as well as mine”
Anthony de Mello
“Enlightenment is: absolute cooperation with the inevitable.”
Anthony de Mello
“The greatest learning of the ages lies in accepting life exactly as it comes to us.”
Anthony de Mello, The Prayer Of The Frog, Vol. 1
“Stories are the creative conversion of life itself into a more powerful, clearer, more meaningful experience. They are the currency of human contact.”
Anthony de Mello
“The Master made it his task to destroy systematically every
doctrine, every belief, every concept of the divine, for these
things, which were originally intended as pointers, were now
being taken as descriptions.
He loved to quote the Eastern saying "When the sage points
to the moon, all that the idiot sees is the finger.”
Anthony de Mello
“The genius of a composer is found in the notes of his music; but analyzing the notes will not reveal his genius. The poet's greatness is contained in his words; yet the study of his words will not disclose his inspiration. God reveals himself in creation; but scrutinize creation as minutely as you wish, you will not find God, any more than you will find the soul through careful examination of your body.”
Anthony de Mello, Awakening: Conversations with the Masters
“A thought is a screen, not a mirror; that is why you live in a thought envelope, untouched by Reality.”
Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom
“This truth I firmly hold, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding;
my life has been a gift, a blessing to the world.”
Anthony de Mello
“Everybody was talking about the religious man who committed suicide.
While no one in the monastery approved of the man's action, some say they admired his faith.
Faith?" said the Master.
He had the courage of his convictions, didn't he?"
That was fanaticism, not faith. Faith demands a greater courage still: to reexamine one's convictions and reject them if they do not fit the facts.”
Anthony de Mello
“You are so proud of your intelligence," said the master. "You are like a like a condemned man, proud of the vastness of his prison cell.”
Anthony de Mello
“The Rose does not preen herself to catch my eye. She blooms because she blooms. A saint is a saint until he knows he is one.”
Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom
When the eye is unobstructed, the result is sight. When the ear is unobstructed, the result is hearing. When the mind is unobstructed the result is truth. When the heart is unobstructed, the result is joy and love.
Anthony de Mello
If you look carefully you will see that there is one thing and only one thing that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is attachment. What is an attachment? An emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular thing or some person you cannot be happy.
Anthony de Mello
I was neurotic for years. I was anxious and depressed and selfish. Everyone kept telling me to change. I resented them and I agreed with them, and I wanted to change, but simply couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. Then one day someone said to me, Don't change. I love you just as you are. Those words were music to my ears: Don't change, Don't change. Don't change . . . I love you as you are. I relaxed. I came alive. And suddenly I changed!
Anthony de Mello
Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling.
Anthony de Mello
"Why is everyone here so happy except me?" "Because they have learned to see goodness and beauty everywhere," said the Master. "Why don't I see goodness and beauty everywhere?" "Because you cannot see outside of you what you fail to see inside."
Anthony de Mello
You see persons and things not as they are but as you are.
Anthony de Mello
What I really enjoy is not you; it's something that's greater than both you and me. It is something that I discovered, a kind of symphony, a kind of orchestra that plays one melody in your presence, but when you depart, the orchestra doesn't stop. When I meet someone else, it plays another melody, which is also very delightful. And when I'm alone, it continues to play.
Anthony de Mello
If it is peace you want, seek to change yourself, not other people. It is easier to protect your feet with slippers than to carpet the whole of the earth.
Anthony de Mello
Another illusion is that external events have the power to hurt you, that other people have the power to hurt you. They don't. It's you who give this power to them.
Anthony de Mello
Is it possible for the rose to say, "I will give my fragrance to the good people who smell me, but I will withhold it from the bad?" Or is it possible for the lamp to say, "I will give my light to the good people in this room, but I will withhold it from the evil people"? Or can a tree say, "I'll give my shade to the good people who rest under me, but I will withhold it from the bad"? These are images of what love is about.
Anthony de Mello
You don't have to add anything in order to be happy; you've got to drop something.
Anthony de Mello
This is what Wisdom means: To be changed without the slightest effort on your part, to be transformed, believe it or not, merely by waking to the reality that is not words , that lies beyond the reach of words. If you are fortunate enough to be Awakened thus, you will know why the finest language is the one that is not spoken, the finest action is the one that is not done and the finest change is the one that is not willed.
Anthony de Mello
"What is love?"; "The total absence of fear," said the Master; "What is it we fear?"; "Love," said the Master.
Anthony de Mello
Understand your darkness and it will vanish; then you will know what light is. Understand your nightmare for what it is and it will stop; then you will wake up to reality. Understand your false beliefs and they will drop; then you will know the taste of happiness.
Anthony de Mello
Do you want a sign that you're asleep? Here it is: you're suffering. Suffering is a sign that you're out of touch with the truth. Suffering is given to you that you might open your eyes to the truth, that you might understand that there's falsehood somewhere, just as physical pain is given to you so you will understand that there is disease or illness somewhere. Suffering occurs when you clash with reality. When your illusions clash with reality, when your falsehoods clash with truth, then you have suffering. Otherwise there is no suffering.
Anthony de Mello
What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you.
Anthony de Mello
What, concretely, is Enlightenment ?" "Seeing Reality as it is," said the Master. "Doesn't everyone see Reality as it is?" "Oh, no! Most people see it as they think it is." "What's the difference?" "The difference between thinking you are drowning in a stormy sea and knowing you cannot drown because there isn't any water in sight for miles around.
Anthony de Mello
When you fight something, you're tied to it forever. As long as you're fighting it, you’re giving it power.
Anthony de Mello
A nice definition of an awakened person: a person who no longer marches to the drums of society, a person who dances to the tune of the music that springs up from within.
Anthony de Mello
Step by step, let whatever happens happen. Real change will come when it is brought about, not by your ego, but by reality. Awareness releases reality to change you.
Anthony de Mello
There's only one reason why you're not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it's because you're thinking or focusing on what you don't have....But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss.
Anthony de Mello
The butterfly in a caterpillar: the eagle in an egg; the saint in a selfish human being.
Anthony de Mello
As you identify less and less with the “me”, you will be more at ease with everybody and with everything. Do you know why? Because you are no longer afraid of being hurt or not liked. You no longer desire to impress anyone. Can you imagine the relief when you don't have to impress anybody anymore? Oh, what a relief. Happiness at last!
Anthony de Mello
Most people tell you they want to get out of kindergarten, but don't believe them. Don't believe them! All they want you to do is to mend their broken toys. "Give me back my wife. Give me back my job. Give me back my money. Give me back my reputation, my success." This is what they want; they want their toys replaced. That's all. Even the best psychologist will tell you that, that people don't really want to be cured. What they want is relief; a cure is painful.
Anthony de Mello
Let’s suppose that rain washes out a picnic. Who is feeling negative? The rain? Or you? What’s causing the negative feeling? The rain or your reaction? When you bump your knee against a table, the table’s fine. It’s busy being what it was made to be – a table. The pain is in your knee, not in the table. The mystics keep trying to tell us that reality is all right. Reality is not problematic. Problems exist only in the human mind. We might add: in the stupid, sleeping human mind.
Anthony de Mello
Life is easy, life is delightful. It's only hard on your illusions, your ambitions, your greed, your cravings.
Anthony de Mello
Both what you run from-
and what you yearn for -
are within you.
Anthony de Mello
"I seek the meaning of existence," said the stranger. "You are of course assuming," said the Master, "that existence has a meaning." "Doesn't it?" "When you experience existence as it is - not as you think it is you will discover that your question has no meaning," said the Master.
Anthony de Mello
You are never in love with anyone. You're only in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person.
Anthony de Mello
The disciples were absorbed in a discussion of Lao-Tzu's dictum: "Those who know, do not say; Those who say, do not know." When the master entered, they asked him what the words meant. Said the master, "Which of you knows the fragrance of a rose?" All of them indicated that they knew. Then he said, "Put it into words." All of them were silent.
Anthony de Mello
Spirituality means waking up. Most people, even though they don't know it, are asleep. They're born asleep, they live asleep, they marry in their sleep, they breed children in their sleep, they die in their sleep without ever waking up. They never understand the loveliness and the beauty of this thing that we call human existence.
Anthony de Mello
I'm going to write a book someday and the title will be I'm an Ass, You're an Ass. That's the most liberating, wonderful thing in the world, when you openly admit you're an ass. It's wonderful. When people tell me, You're wrong I say, What can you expect of an ass?
Anthony de Mello
There is another more subtle way in which the innocence of childhood is lost: when the child is infected with the desire to become somebody. Contemplate the crowds of people who are striving might and main to become, not what Nature intended them to be- musicians, cooks, mechanics, carpenters, gardeners, inventors- but "somebody": to become successful, famous, powerful; to become something that will bring not quiet and self-fulfillment, but self-glorification and self-expansion
Anthony de Mello
Waking up is unpleasant, you know. You are nice and comfortable in bed. It is irritating to be woken up. That's the reason the wise guru will not attempt to wake people up. I hope I'm going to be wise here and make no attempt whatsoever to wake you up if you are asleep. It is really none of my business, even though I say to you at times, "Wake up!" My business is to do my thing, to dance my dance. If you profit from it fine; if you don't, too bad! As the Arabs say, "The nature of rain is the same, but it makes thorns grow in the marshes and flowers in the gardens."
Anthony de Mello
What is my identity ?" "Nothing," said the Master. "You mean that I am an emptiness and a void?" said the incredulous disciple. "Nothing that can be labeled." said the Master.
Anthony de Mello
There is yet another illusion, that it is important to be respectable, to be loved and appreciated, to be important. Many say we have a natural urge to be loved and appreciated, to belong. That’s false. Drop this illusion and you will find happiness. We have a natural urge to be free, a natural urge to love, but not to be loved.
Anthony de Mello
We do not have a fear of the unknown. What we fear is giving up the known.
Anthony de Mello
If you want to know what it means to be happy, look at a flower, a bird, a child; they are perfect images of the kingdom. For they live from moment to moment in the eternal now with no past and no future.
Anthony de Mello
The way to really live is to die. The passport to living is to imagine yourself in your grave. Imagine you're lying in your coffin....Now look at your problems from that viewpoint. Changes everything, doesn't it?
Anthony de Mello
You only change what you understand. What you do not understand and are not aware of, you repress. You dont change. But when you understand it, it changes.
Anthony de Mello
All suffering comes from a person's inability to sit still and be alone.
Anthony de Mello
If what you said was true, where was the need to shout?
Anthony de Mello
Understand the obstructions you are putting in the way of love, freedom, and happiness and they will drop. Turn on the light of awareness and the darkness will disappear. Happiness is not something you acquire; love is not something you produce; love is not something you have; love is something that has you.
Anthony de Mello
Religion is the finger pointing to God. People are too busy licking the finger to notice where it's pointing.
Anthony de Mello
Behold God beholding you...and smiling.
Anthony de Mello
All conflict comes from attachment.
Anthony de Mello
Silence is not the absence of sound, but the absence of self.
Anthony de Mello
A Jesuit once wrote a note to Father Arrupe, his superior general, asking him about the relative value of communism, socialism and capitalism. Father Arrupe gave him a lovely reply. He said, "A system is about as good or as bad as the people who use it." People with golden hearts would make capitalism or communism or socialism work beautifully.
Anthony de Mello
You do not have to change for God to love you.
Anthony de Mello
Take away human beings from this planet and life would go on, nature would go on in all its loveliness and violence. Where would the problem be? No problem. You created the problem. You are the problem. You identified with "me" and that is the problem. The feeling is in you, not in reality.
Anthony de Mello
Extend
your arms
in welcome
to the future.
The best
is yet to come!
Anthony de Mello
One day, a philosopher asked, "What is the purpose of creation?" "Lovemaking," said the Master. Later, to his disciples, he said, "Before creation, love was. After creation, love was made. When love is consummated, creation will cease to be, and love will be forever."
Anthony de Mello
When God means you to be a healer he sends you patients; when he makes you a teacher he sends you pupils; when he destines you to be a Master he sends you stories .
Anthony de Mello
What can I do to see Reality as it is?" The master smiled and said, "I have good news and bad news for you, my friend." "What's the bad news?" "There's nothing you can do to see it is a gift." "And what's the good news?" "There's nothing you can do to see it is a gift.
Anthony de Mello
Live your life as you see fit. That's not selfish. Selfish is to demand that others live their lives as you see fit.
Anthony de Mello
You know, all mystics - Catholic, Christian, non-Christian, no matter what their theology, no matter what their religion - are unanimous on one thing: that all is well, all is well. Though everything is a mess, all is well. Strange paradox, to be sure. But, tragically, most people never get to see that all is well because they are asleep. They are having a nightmare.
Anthony de Mello
"My former master taught me to accept birth and death." "Then what have you come to me for?" asked the master. "To learn to accept what lies in between."
Anthony de Mello
The three most difficult things for a human being are not physical feats or intellectual achievements. They are, first, returning love for hate; second, including the excluded; third, admitting that you are wrong.
Anthony de Mello
You can never be free
as long as you have an ego to defend.
Anthony de Mello
People kill for money or for power. But the most ruthless murderers are those who kill for their ideas.
Anthony de Mello
What is a loving heart? A loving heart is sensitive to the whole of life, to all persons; a loving heart doesn't harden itself to any persons or things.
Anthony de Mello
A good teacher offers practice , a bad one offers theories .
Anthony de Mello
Suffering is given to you that you might open your eyes to the truth.
Anthony de Mello
When you cling, life is destroyed; when you hold on to anything, you cease to live.
Anthony de Mello
Say goodbye to golden yesterdays: or your heart will never learn to love the present.
Anthony de Mello
Problems only exist in the human mind.
Anthony de Mello
God in heaven holds each person by a string. When you sin, you cut the string. Then God ties it up again. Making a knot, bringing you a little closer to Him. Again and again your sins cut the string and with each knot God keeps drawing you closer and closer.
Anthony de Mello
How sad if we pass through life and never see it with the eyes of a child.
Anthony de Mello
You're so ashamed of your past; drop it! You're so proud of your past; drop it!
Anthony de Mello
The only way someone can be of help to you is in challenging your ideas. If you're ready to listen and if you're ready to be challenged, there's one thing that you can do, but no one can help you. What is this most important thing of all? It's called self-observation.
Anthony de Mello
Pleasant experiences make life delightful. Painful experiences lead to growth.
Anthony de Mello
You have within yourself the answer to every question you propose - if you only knew how to look for it. In the Land of the spirit, you cannot walk by the light of someone else's lamp. You want to borrow mine. I'd rather teach you how to make your own.
Anthony de Mello
Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality.
Anthony de Mello
May the peace of God disturb you always.
Anthony de Mello
All that you give to others you are giving to yourself.
Anthony de Mello
Concepts are always frozen. Reality flows.
Anthony de Mello
A disciple was one day recalling how Buddha , Jesus , Mohammed were branded as rebels and heretics by their contemporaries. Said the Master, Nobody can be said to have attained the pinnacle of Truth until a thousand sincere people have denounced him for blasphemy .
Anthony de Mello
My life is like shattered glass." said the visitor. "My soul is tainted with evil. Is there any hope for me? "Yes," said the Master. "There is something whereby each broken thing is bound again and every stain made clean." "What?" "Forgiveness" "Whom do I forgive?" "Everyone: Life, God, your neighbor especially yourself." "How is that done?" "By understanding that no one is to blame," said the Master. "NO ONE.
Anthony de Mello
Are you your clothes? Are you your name? Are you your profession? Stop identifying with them. They come and go
Anthony de Mello
Wisdom can be learned . But it cannot be taught .
Anthony de Mello
If you don't look at things through your concepts, you'll never be bored. Every single thing is unique.
Anthony de Mello
Whatever is truly alive must die. Look at the flowers; only plastic flowers never die.
Anthony de Mello
Said the monk: "All these mountains and rivers and the earth and stars - where do they come from?" Said the master: "Where does your question come from?"
Anthony de Mello
Love springs from awareness.
Anthony de Mello
All is well, all is well. Though everything is a mess, all is well.
Anthony de Mello
The day you are happy for no reason whatsoever, the day you find yourself taking delight in everything and in nothing, you will know that you have found the land of unending joy called the kingdom.
Anthony de Mello
Think of a flabby person covered with layers of fat. That is what your mind can become - flabby, covered with layers of fat till it becomes too dull and lazy to think, to observe, to explore, to discover ... not wanting to be disturbed or questioned into wakefulness.
Anthony de Mello
Don't ask the world to change....you change first.
Anthony de Mello
To fight evil with activity is like fighting darkness with one's hands. So what you need is light, not fit.
Anthony de Mello
The poor think they will be happy when they become rich. The rich think they will be happy when they are rid of their ulcers.
Anthony de Mello
Those who make no mistakes are making the biggest mistakes of all - they are attempting nothing new.
Anthony de Mello
You keep insisting, I feel good because the world is right! Wrong! The world is right because I feel good. That's what all the mystics are saying.
Anthony de Mello
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a world where everybody said, 'We don't know?' The fact is that you're surrounded -God and you don't see God, because you KNOW ABOUT God. The final barrier to the vision of God is your God concept. You miss God because you think you know. The highest knowledge of God is to know God as unknowable. All revelations, however divine, are never any more than a finger pointing at the moon. As we say in the East, 'When the sage points to the moon, all the idiot sees is the finger'.
Anthony de Mello
Isn't there such a thing as social liberation?" "Of course there is," said the Master. "How would you describe it?" "Liberation from the need to belong to the herd.
Anthony de Mello
"What is the secret of your serenity?" Said the master: "Wholehearted cooperation with the inevitable."
Anthony de Mello
The Master would insist that the final barrier to our attaining God was the word and concept God.
Anthony de Mello
The human mind makes foolish divisions in what love sees as one.
Anthony de Mello
Anytime you have a negative feeling toward anyone, you're living in an illusion. There's something seriously wrong with you. You're not seeing reality. Something inside of you has to change. But what do we generally do when we have a negative feeling? "He is to blame, she is to blame. She's got to change." No! The world's all right. The one who has to change is you.
Anthony de Mello
Negative feelings are in you, not in reality. Stop trying to change reality. That's crazy! Stop trying to change the other person. We spend all our time and energy trying to change external circumstances, trying to change our spouses, our bosses, our friends, our enemies, and everybody else. We don't have to change anything. Negative feelings are in you.
Anthony de Mello
To a woman who complained about her destiny the Master said, "It is you who make your destiny." "But surely I am not responsible for being born a woman?" "Being born a woman isn't destiny. That is fate. Destiny is how you accept your womanhood and what you make of it."
Anthony de Mello
A writer arrived at the monastery to write a book about the Master. "People say you are a genius . Are you?" he asked. "You might say so." said the Master, none too modestly. "And what makes one a genius?" "The ability to recognize." "Recognize what?" "The butterfly in a caterpillar: the eagle in an egg; the saint in a selfish human being.
Anthony de Mello
You sanctify whatever you are grateful for.
Anthony de Mello
It is a great mystery that though the human heart longs for Truth, in which alone it finds liberation and delight, the first reaction of human beings to Truth is one of hostility and fear!
Anthony de Mello
Problems exist only in the human mind.
Anthony de Mello
The Rose does not preen herself to catch my eye. She blooms because she blooms. A saint is a saint until he knows he is one.
Anthony de Mello
There is no explanation you can give that will explain away all the sufferings and evil and torture and destruction and hunger in the world! You'll never explain it. Because life is a mystery, which means your thinking mind cannot make sense of it. For that you've got to wake up and then you'll suddenly realize that reality is not the problem, you are the problem.
Anthony de Mello
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