Intuitive Thinking
What Is The Definition Of Success? Part One - To view part two - Click here
Articles By Deborah Hill

Each person has their own their definition of success, but within these there will often lie some important relationship questions. Those who succeed in this world are normally self-starters and self-motivators. They work with others but do not rely on others for their success. Often the successful person provides for himself and others around him, and the relationship questions involved are largely in how the 'others' relate to the successful: that can often be negatively.

Behind almost every success story you'll find a person who is devoted to and assured about what he does. If he is a comedian, for example, he has been funny all of his life. As a child, he joked around and felt good about his ability to amuse others. It's unlikely that he was sitting around one day moping in a corner when someone lovingly came up to him and said, "You could be a great comedian. You're kind of funny. Why don't you practice and I'll get you started in the business?"

More often you hear about how the person acted out in front of everyone, being funny in class, doing skits in front of friends, etc. Even if the comedian felt bad about himself, he felt good about his comedic skills. He was funny and he knew it, and therein lies his definition of success. It lies in the fact that he didn't stop joking when someone rebuffed him.

Or is this comedian's definition of success the very fact he was being disliked and rebuffed for being so good at what he was doing? The important relationship questions involved here lie between the comic and those who do not like him and criticize and rebuke him, and the reasons why shall be discussed shortly, but first more examples of that:

Every U.S. President was elected because he was supported: a large number of people liked what he was doing. However, almost half of the people disliked almost every president. Another example is Madonna: her name is a household word. She is known, loved and respected throughout the world. Yet, there are millions who don't like Madonna or what they believe she stands for.

Would Madonna be as successful if she changed her style or met the demands of those who didn't like her? No. She'd fail because she'd have to be someone other than Madonna to please these masses. The people who love her and her music do so because of who she is and what she does. They would be seriously disappointed if she became something else to please others. By pleasing her enemies, she would alienate her fans. Being disliked could never be the cause of success, but could it be one definition of success?

Does success invariably raise some important relationship questions regarding the relationship between the successful and those that interact with them - or refuse to? An essential ingredient for becoming successful at anything you do is self-empowerment—to not be influenced by the opinions or desires of others. The key to success is acting from that place of self-love and acceptance of whom and what you are. If you rely on the opinions of others, and base your life upon satisfying the needs and ideas of others, you will likely fail. This reality comes out often in my intuitive coaching training.

One reason for this is quite simple, and is where the important relationship questions arise. No one really sees you because what we really all see are mirrors of ourselves. No one can see, know, and understand you fully. As an intuitive coach I have come to understand that only you can understand and know you. You are unique, and you have qualities and idiosyncrasies that no one else can truly understand. The fullness of what you are is a treasure that is only understood from the inside out. The world around you mirrors what you know to be true within.

If you are angry, you'll create anger around you. If you are sad, you'll create sadness. If you feel deprived within, no one will satisfy you. If you are hurt, you will see people hurting you. If you feel happy, you will see happiness and have hope. If you feel successful, you will attract successful people and situations to you. This relationship between what you feel and those around you feel is an important one, and so the important relationship questions relate to how you make others feel from your own acts or your own success.

It is not a definition of success as such, but by being successful you have more people observing you and therefore more being influenced by how they mirror onto you the qualities that they see within themselves. If they don't like certain of their own qualities then they won't like you.

Whatever is said to you, or whatever anyone thinks about you, is a reflection more of the person himself than who you are. If you remember this, you won't take the opinions and thoughts of others personally. Let's take an example of that, and perhaps clarify the important relationship questions that lie between you and your observer.

Let's say you're in charge of a project and your business partner continually works with your team directly, making decisions and steering the direction without telling you first. This makes your job more difficult because you are out of touch with what is happening with your project. You are unable to follow your plans and ideas to a simple completion. It also confuses your team because they don't know to whom they should listen or report. You talk to your partner about it, and yet this behavior continues.
You finally realize that you can no longer function this way, and so you suggest some company policies that strictly define the chain of communications within your company. Your partner becomes upset with you for requesting these policies, and he accuses you of being controlling and argumentative. If you take his remarks personally, you may back down and not institute the policies, compromising the integrity of your company.

However, if you look at the behavior of your partner, you'll realize that he is a controlling and argumentative person. He continually takes control by going around you and arguing about your policies. When he criticizes you, he is talking about himself. You have presented him with an excellent mirror. The important relationship questions here refer not to how he relates with you, but how he actually relates to himself, whose character he mirrors in you.

About the Author
More information on family and other relationships are available from Deborah Hill's intuitive coaching website,, where you will find a lot more information on interacting with others, as well as intuitive coaching services

Keywords: Intuitive Thinking, Definition of Success, relationship questions, coaching, inner guidance, Deborah Hill, Intuition, Articles, UK, Cape Town, South Africa

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